Huh, it has been a while since I last posted anything mostly because I suck. No seriously. I have been SO tired I want to cry yet here I am typing on this confounded thing that I spend more then 40 hours on each week late into the evening because I feel bad for being such a suckalious friend and blogger... Ah, so with that out of the way.
What a weekend! The weather was marvelous. Not too hot, not too cold and as that lost and seriously demented gal Goldilocks would say it was juuuuust right. We did all kinds of fun family stuff. Farmer's market, swim class, shopping (and spending oodles of moola... damn you Target and your money sucking ways), and MOTHER'S DAY of course. My darling husband and son got me a new bike! I was whining to Kevin how much I wanted a bike (because I am SO into exercising and working out... hahahahahaah...) so he and Matthew bought me one. It is really cool and I am excited to use it - when you ask? well you know some time... soon. Like when Matthew is 15 or so... whatever, I am excited! We went down to Spring Mill State Park and checked out the cool Pioneer Village. Photos to follow some time in the near future. Matthew was his usual charming self and walked and ran and took in the experience. We also commented on the fact that the last time we were there it was sheer hell. Matthew was maybe six months old and I was tired (from nursing) and my breasts were sore and leaky (sorry to any men reading this...) and we were both just, well you know, first time parents. Yeah, let's go out to nature so our son can see and hear the sounds of it even though he can barely discern what I look like... ah you know to be a first time parent again... More on that to follow (not in this post but I have been forming this other post for some time...) I digress.
So my friend Steve Hoffman and his wife Tomiko had their baby last week - Brooke! I am excited for them even though it has been forever since I have seen them but I love that they had a little girl to go with their little boy! And I love that we are still in touch - I miss my friends from back in the day. I have known Steve longer then anyone else I know since we were like what 8 or 9 years old? OMG, that is a long time to know someone right? And then I got this freaking kick ass card from my friend Jen. I have known her since we were like what 14? OMG that is a long freaking time too. That card rocked my world - it made me smile in spite of myself and bad ass attitude I have sporting lately. AND then I got two cards from two wonderful ladies wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. And OMG, I was so happy to get those and they made me teary (gotta be honest I am seriously the most emotional sap lately. Okay since I was pregnant rally - it is like my hormones have gone into super crying over drive... WTF?!) I love my friends and I am so glad I have all these super cool really thoughtful neat people in my life in various ways both near and far and I can celebrate their growing families and lives! That is really cool.
The other part of all these emotions really have to do with several things. This weekend I had to wait for Monday. Not because I was excited for Monday but I was sad and worried...
My boss, Ann, and her husband, Michael, have a son named Zachary. He is dying... He is the kindest sweet person anyone could know. I barely know this person but I think the world of him. When 9/11 happened he got a plane and went to ground zero to help. Then he felt he needed to do something else and he is that kind of a man and he enlisted in the army and ended up in Iraq. He served in Iraq for I believe it was 18 months total. He met his future wife there and they got married recently. They started life much the way we all did... I guess I kept expecting Ann to come in and say Zach and Dara are going to have a baby - hip hip hooray. I was not expecting them to say, at 24 years of age, Zach has some super weirdo form of cancer and that it seems to be eating him alive no matter what they do. And even though I do not know Zach that well I do know Ann and Michael and Samson and most of the other Mays and their spouses. And I am sad for them.
I am sad because the truth of the matter is how I am feeling about our crappy day care situation or being so far away from our families really pales in comparison to what they are going through at this very moment. That this kind human being who can seemingly do no wrong and really had done so much right, is lying in a hospital bed spiking a fever of 106 and no one is really sure how to deal with it... That he is being airlifted to Nebraska tomorrow to see the 2nd best doctor in the world who deals with his kind of cancer and perhaps there is some tiny shimmer of hope that she knows what is going on and can help him pull through this time... And seriously if you could know Zach you would say "that guy? He has cancer? He sure doesn't act like it." Because he has not - he was always smiling and listening and talking and working and being active. You could hardly tell he was sick until the past few weeks...
Zach reminds me that life is really so precarious that we need to watch our words and our thoughts because they are fleeting. To hug our children because who knows what the next turn will bring... And to know that no matter how unhappy or frustrated or angry we are about something or someone all that really matters is how we choose to be each and every day on this earth to our fellow human beings. To make the most of the time we granted because that is all that we get.
I am not for all intents and purposes a spiritual person but I do hope that by writing this down here, I can look back and remember how I have been feeling (powerless) as well as emboldened to make my life better then great because that is what I have a chance to do. Today and each day forward. And I will pray for Zach and his family tonight in my own little silent prayer type of way. I hope you all do the same even though you do not know him - trust me on this. He is a good guy...
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