Parenthood

Lately for me Parenthood has felt like I have the great commentator Jim McKay from the Wide World of Sports saying "the thrill of victory… and the agony of defeat… the human drama of parenthood." I feel wiped out most days. I feel that agony of defeat. Like I used to feel when I would be out running and I just want to stop because I was tired, my body ached and quite frankly I need to use the ladies room. I wanted to sit down for a rest but I was miles from home so I had to keep running...

I used to think how I was feeling was all about work but the truth is I feel this way even on the weekends. Matthew is a spinning ball of energy and I am not. I often think of him as my whirling dervish - if you have not seen a whirling dervish do stop by my favorite web source Wikipedia and learn more. It is astonishing how quickly Matthew flits from one thing to another and beyond that even how he turn from sweet kind helpful loving little nimph into child straight from hell. Eh emmm. Come on all you parents, do not lie - you have thought this too! Matthew can be charming and sweet but he knows how to work his parents over and we fall for 9 times out of 10 even though we said we were NOT going to be those parents. We have gotten better at laying down the law but quite frankly the law requires 600 gazillion times more energy then letting Matthew get away with everything...

Some days I long for the care free days of yesterday or I find myself fantasizing about when Matthew gets older. Then I stop myself cold. I think 'OMG would I ever want to go back to those care free days?' No, not really. And as far the future is concerned that is crazy thinking too. I mean do I really think parenthood will get easier? No, I won't have to worry about Matthew running full tilt out into the street (cause that's happened one to many times more then I would like to admit...) or that he is sick for the umptinth time with that damned double ear infection that seems like the bloody plague... but there are far more sinster things like drugs, alcohol, cars and ACK girls to worry about.

I guess the thing that amazes me and I now understand better then ever is why our parents are the way they are. It is a hard job, this parenting gig - the hardest thing I have ever done and while I do feel like throwing in the towel most, er I mean some days, I know it is well worth it at the end of the day. When my sweet boy looked up at me at nap time today and said "love you mommy" my heart melts and my eyes well up with love and pride and I know I can keep on doing this another day, week, month, year... just for that love you mommy.