Thursday, May 1, 2008

A Million Little Pieces

I cried yesterday. All the way home. And today to be honest. Our boss, their entire family was in Omaha for a week. Zachary was near death but then seemingly a miracle. It seemed he turned another corner. They were taking him off the respirator and he was breathing on his own by bits. He was heavily sedated so almost coma like but it seemed like things were getting better. The family has returned home over the past two days because they felt like he was going to be okay, for now. They were not going to need to say good bye this week. Ann came in yesterday and called a meeting. She had us forward our phones and end our day early. This has never happened. This was not right. We received this email from her this morning:

"Yesterday Zachary was tested for 7 skin irritations that he had on his skin. When Dr. Vose reported them today she said that he had a fungus in his blood that will travel to all of his organs.

It is fatal. They do not expect him to live to the end of May.

They are doing everything possible to make him comfortable. He is still unconscious and will likely remain in that state."

If my heart was hurting about this person before it is now broken into a million little pieces. This boy who rode his bike from Indiana to NYC to help with the clean up efforts after 9-11. Who was compelled by what he saw in NYC to join the army and go to Iraq for a painstaking year and a half. Who survived these things and came out with a new better understanding of the world. Who found the love of his life on the deserts of Iraq and married her. Who was vivacious and strong, handsome and kind who will have his life end because of a fungus... to his blood... at the age of 27.

I cannot help but pull Matthew to me, to hug him and know life is dear and precious. To enjoy each moment with Matthew because you just never know. You never suspect what could be awaiting you or your child's fate around the corner. Zachary and his zest for life even in the face of all that he has endured the past few years has in all seriousness lifted me up. Humbled me. Made me remember that my minor aches and troubles are small in comparison to the things other people have to do and live with. That I am strong and can do what I want when I put my mind to it. He probably has no idea he did this for me. That he was a constant reminder to me to shut up about the small things that seemed so big because my goodness there were others out there having it so much harder then I have ever had in my life. I will never forget this person who did not know he made that difference in my life. That is why I cry for him, for his family, for his young wife and all that she has endured during her 1st 2 years of marriage.

Ann wrote this as well from a David Grey song:
'Now the flood gates cannot hold
all my sorrow all my rage
tear drops fall from every page.
Meet me on the other side.'


LoriD said...

I'm so sorry. It just doesn't seem fair.

Pickles & Dimes said...

That is awful and so very, very sad.

Zachary and his family will be in our thoughts and prayers.

Jen said...

My heart goes out to Zachary and his family. It sounds like his memory will live on with those who he touched.

K and J's mom said...

I'll keep them all in my prayers, Christina. At some point, when you feel able, you should make sure his mom knows how he has impacted your life. It's interesting how sometimes people we hardly know directly do that. I had a friend from high school who died last year along with her 2 year old baby. I lost touch with her in the years after high school, but feel compelled to visit their graves often. Their deaths impacted me more than I ever could have known. People serve a purpose in their lives- some don't even realize the positive imprint they leave on this world.