The weekend is past and this is the 1st time in a long time where I was glad for that. SORRY, honesty can be a sucky thing, eh? Last week was long and difficult, mentally and physically. I am to the point for myself where I am just uncomfortable. My stomach seems to be squashed down to a pea size to the point where I have completely lost my appetite OR I have the stomach flu...
We had Zachary's viewing to attend on Friday and on Saturday they did a celebration of Zachary's life at his church. It was amazing, spiritual and touching. Again and again I was left saying what a guy, what an amazing family, life and wife he had in 26 short years. It was draining emotionally too.
Saturday was beautiful and sunny. I had the chance to run around doing 'errands' but also relaxing on my own for a few hours and it truly felt like those few hours were my Mother's day. Though I have to admit I ended up buying Matthew clothing and not getting myself anything! Gymboree sent their 30% off coupon so I took advantage of it and it was well worth it since I found stuff all on sale plus the 30% off!! Gotta love that!
Sunday dawned rainy and gray. No big deal, I am taking the cool rainy days for what they are - another day my limbs do not swell to Michelin man proportions! Kevin & Matthew brought home the usual Starbucks Sunday fare. But I have to back track, I woke up in the night SICK. Like bad. Like Matthew bad two weeks ago. I was wracked with stomach pain and well yeah THAT other stuff that goes with being sick to one's stomach.
Needless to say the ability to sleep till 7:00am was much appreciated. The day sort of fell apart beyond the Starbucks and cards from Kevin and Matthew which Matthew opened. I basically slumped around in my pjs feeling rotten, Matthew was cranky and Kevin kept disappearing (to do what I do not know!?) I wanted to go to Micheal's so we all went. We bought some prints for the baby's room but we left quickly as I started to get really yucky feeling again. By the time we got Matthew down for a nap, I was passing out. I slept for almost three hours in the afternoon and woke up feeling mildly better. Matthew woke up cranky and crying... I wanted to cry with him!
I so wanted to do something more, to enjoy the day more but it just did not happen. The thing I know from this weekend is that when I have expectations or hopes for something great it generally turns out to be different then I expected. Once I started to feel better, things brightened up.
The other thing I know is that I do not need one day to prove that I love being a mother, that I am honored to be a mother/wife and that life is good. I know that everyday I am blessed with/by my son, my husband, and this baby growing inside of me. I know that Mother's day is not just one day or weekend out of the year but many days that come together into years and that I am enjoying as much of it as I can even when I feel like I crap.
I found things to smile about yesterday beyond the pity party I had while in the bathroom! I got to sit and watch the gold finches and cardinals flit back and forth between the tress and feeders in our front yard. I had the chance to chat with my mom and my friend, Christine. I loved that Matthew snuggled up with me to watch Shrek for the first time. I had a great nap and even got to "sleep in" until 7:00am both days. I enjoyed reading the US Weekly my husband thoughtfully bought for me & watching the Survivor finale. Kevin took care of the laundry, the cooking, cleaning and groceries for me - and boy does that kick ass!!!
SO while this Mother's day was not 'all that', at the end of the day when I laid my head down and did what I do most nights which is to think about what I am grateful for I could not come with one single negative about the weekend that could trump how great it is to be a mother every day of the year!