Welcome to My World!: family night

Oh, oh HI! Yes, I am alive and here and surviving. Holy cow what a month. And A MONTH?!??! I mean seriously when did that happen? Miss Pancake is starting her fourth week on this earth and really it seems like she has always been here in our house. She is just the coolest and M is the best big brother ever! M gave me a hug and kiss good-bye this morning and unsolicited he gave Miss Pancake a kiss and hug and then said 'I love you Baby Miss Pancake' (oh the tears... actually I did not tear up, I just smiled ;) He even held her yesterday and he grinned from ear to ear the entire time!!!

We are doing well though we did have a brief ah issue all day Saturday until I realized 'holy crap I am trying to freeze the poor baby to death'. Despite the fact that it was hotter then heck the air conditioning was/is COLD.... As soon as I realized that she was COLD & put her in something warm, she slept like a champ.

Really the most "interesting" experience for me has been the fact that I have felt virtually no depression with Miss Pancake like I did with M. I have had over wrought feelings and tired moments but nothing unusual which just under scores how horrid I was feeling with M. After three years I just assumed maybe I blew those feeling out of proportion but I think it is safe to say that what I felt was real back then with M. What a huge difference! I am enjoying each moment & not wishing away the time or feeling all the hideous scary feelings I felt when M was a baby and holy crap we are starting week 4 - seriously each moment in those early months seemed to last a year but with Miss Pancake the first weeks have gone by quickly and not just because this #2 since M has been at K's house during that time (whoa holy shitty run on poorly stuctured sentence...)

I am just happier, different, more open, less tired, less shell shocked, less frustrated - I could not ask for a more wonderful experience!