Can You Guess The Time?

Ohh sounds like a fun game, eh?! Yeah well not so much. for me. I woke up at 3:30a exactly. WIDE awake. Fretting in a major way. I will hate myself later today but it is now 4:39am so if you guessed in that range, you are the BIG winner. Winner of what, you wonder? Hmm, well nothing but if you keep reading you can hear about what I am freaking out about.

For starters, Matthew's party. Which is just so utterly lame I want to tell myself to go take a leap off a tall building but well I am feeling stressed about it, I guess. I am so unprepared this year. The past two years I have been on top of things. This year, mmm, not so much. I still have not fully committed to the house cleaning service so I am trying to get the house in shape before the party. OH wait no before my in laws arrive ON WEDNESDAY which is always just plain stressful for me. While they are charming folks, it is just tiresome to have house guests and even more so when I am pregnant. At least they have a quiet area away from the main living area but still...

I have NO cake and really the only thing I have done at this time is vacuum the basement. Sigh. OH and presents for Matthew from us, you ask? Ah yeah we have two small items that we planned to buy anyway. Nothing else... I feel like I am just out of it this year on so many levels and not just for Matthew's birthday but taking care of people I love and care for... I seriously bought Kevin NOTHING for his birthday this year.

Mostly the birthday thing got me thinking about all the stuff we have not done for the new baby. I mean the room and the needing of stuff is minor but it is still not done. It is getting there (hopefully.) I think that a huge part of the feeling of getting stuff done is that OMG IT IS APRIL 14th and we are closing on the THIRD trimester - HELP! I know in my heart of hearts that everything will come together that needs to come together AND also that what does not will not matter.

Nice thing about the in laws visiting is that Kevin's father offered to paint Pancake's room and so we are taking him up on that offer!

However, the thing that really got up and out of bed was panicking about child care for wee tot Pancake. We have done virtually nothing but talk. It is April 14th and the way I see it we have little time left to get everything we really need to do in order to make a logical, educated decision about who should look after Pancake when she arrives and I must go back to work.

First, we need to look at how to do it properly this time. The last time we had a nanny we paid her under the table and we were left feeling guilt ridden 24/7 because we gave her way to little for what she did and we felt like we could never hold her accountable for anything. I do not want to feel this way. I would rather stay home.

I just know from our experiences with Matthew when he was a babe that finding the right person can take months and months and really we did not find the right situation until Kelly decided to do day care from her home. Which meant the first 2 years of Matthew's life I was stressed out and VERY unhappy, frustrated and angry at the world. Ohh yeah I am sure I was a charmer during that time period... I remember a lot of tears & guilt, pathetic.

SO here I am at 4:49a in a panic trying to decide how to proceed looking up nanny agencies and logging on to Craigslist. I need to try to go to sleep because I am tired but now I am hungry too. I think I will go check out the cereal selection, watch some TV and sleep for an hour or so...

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AND I am back briefly, at work. I have to say that panicking in the middle of the night is neither wise nor helpful. I did get to see that the forecast is rain & fairly cool temps for Matthew's party which added to my bummed out feelings. Also, it is supposed be cloudy on Friday for the Zoo - Hopefully the rain and cooler temps will hold off until after the Zoo. I am just so over the weather.

I am off to try to order a cake at this late date. And balloons and I need to clean the bathrooms tonight. Ta-ta for now.