So it may have "seemed" that I was in a bit of a dire state yesterday... I suppose I was but I fling all that back onto PMS - damn thee. I am feeling better today. And also I realized I need to sleep more but that wicked evil element called the television is completely sucking the life out of me right now!! I am really into this new show called Life. I love it and therefore it will likely get pulled off the air before the season ends or else the season will end and it will not get renewed (see also Joan of Arcadia and Pirate Master, ARG...) Really the only thing Life has going for it - it is not on the dreaded CBS - which seems to like to pull shows rapidly each season for no apparent reason and replace the shows with reruns of 48 Hours Mystery - CBS is like the Ford of the television world! I have to tell you why I like Life because likely not many people are watching this show... It is a mystery (which I love) wrapped up in silliness wrapped up in a good crime plot and, Crews, the main character, is kind of hot in some odd sort of way I have yet to explain.
I am also really into Kid Nation. I was so NOT going to watch it just because but I am drawn to this show like a fly to... eh, you get the picture. I cannot help but watch. There are truly cool kids on the show and also some annoying ones. LAWDY LAWD, help me to raise my child to be like the excellent kids, and not to be like Taylor... Ah, I guess there had to be Taylor in every crowd though, no? Hmm, maybe I was the Taylor of the crowd... Moving on...
Matthew has hit a proverbial stage or two. He is 2. He is struggling in large degree with how to share. From my understanding, this stage can last a LONG old time so I better get used to it and figure out some ways to deal with it and teach my lovely child how to share somewhere in there. I will take suggestions and likely I will try anything, thank you very much!
Also, Matthew is really into babies. Apparently, he told Kelly that he has a baby sister at home. Look people I do not make this stuff up and NO there is no hidden baby at home. Last night he asked for his baby doll whom he has had no interest in for weeks. He said the baby needed his hat and than asked ME why? I said so the baby's head is warm and that Matthew wore a hat when he was wee tot. That made his eyes light up and the smile was as wide as the Mississippi! He wrapped the baby up and called him Cameron. I said 'oh this is baby Cameron?' and he said 'yes'. He asked me to hold baby Cameron and then pointed out his toes and hands and how to rub his tummy gently. At 1st, before this event, I just thought he was jealous of the babies and perhaps the changes these babies might bring to his life but than it dawned on me slowly 'cause I am SLOW... that perhaps he is just a tad jealous of the fact that his friends have baby brothers/sisters - as in real baby brothers and sisters - and he does not... Sadly, I cannot change the course of this situation so we will just keep talking to him about the baby thang and hope for the best. Hopefully this stage will pass. quickly...
Finally, I have to admit that I am not a Comedy Central fan but Stephen Colbert sort of intrigues me... I was vaguely aware of Colbert's talk of running for president but this just made me chuckle. I suppose I think I giggle because if the system (bureaucrazy as I like to call it...) has run a muck (and in my mind it has...), than I am glad that someone is doing his due diligence to prove that it has run a muck all while making it into a three ring circus at the same time. Thank you Mr. Colbert.
Showing posts with label babies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label babies. Show all posts
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
On the fence
I am back to sitting on the proverbial fence. About what you ask? With regards to adding to our happy little family. I was very sure that I wanted to get pregnant and have another baby for the longest time. Especially since there were seemingly dozens of pregnant women in my world (both the real world and the blogging world.) I was so sure we even decided on a time frame to get pregnant for 2008. Now... not so sure about that. AGAIN. Look, I know I have been all over the place on this issue so please please please bear with me. I like to think that I can listen to my body, heart, and head when it comes to decision making now that I am a month away from the ripe old age of 34 but I am still not very good at this.
There are several reasons for being on the fence which I will torture you with once again...
1. I am happy right now. We are happy right now. Another wee tot would change everything. For some people this kind of a change is a good thing; for me - that kind of change just scares me.
2. I actually feel like my body is starting to look like it used to - perhaps this is just mind over matter. Compliments help too. But seriously it has taken me close to 2-1/2 years to bounce back, to have the will to start eating right and even OMG exercise and I am loving that right now. Holy shit can I just mention that clothes fit the right away again and I think I might need to go down a size again!? Yeah, obviously not since I am all freaky excited about it, here...
3. You know how some people say having a baby brought them closer together in their marriage? Yeah, who are these people and what bizarro world do they live in?! Like that Seinfeld episode, where there is a second set of Elaine, Jerry ET AL but they are nicer, slightly different versions of the real Elaine, Jerry, George & Kramer. I think that about my marriage. In a perfect world having a child would have brought Kevin and I closer together. In some ways it did - two years later... And even now we struggle with how to mesh our very different parenting styles. The 1st months of Matthew's life were a struggle for us. Kevin just checked out the night Matthew was born and it took a full blown fight for him to check back in. It had nothing to do with loving Matthew - Kevin's checking out... it was just the shock of being a parent - that surreal moment(s) when you think "OHMYGAWD, they are letting me leave the hospital... with this tiny baby. Don't they know the truth? That I am not a card carrying parent!? That I am just me... ME who never thought I would be a mother/father?!??!" I worry in some ways about our marriage if a second child were to come along.
4. Work. I am not/cannot/will not quit working. I have no idea what I would do if I quit work and how we would function financially since I am finally enjoying the fruits of my labor at work (ha no pun intended!) To leave next year would make all this work seem pointless. I like reaping the fruit too. I have to admit. I like making good money and not worrying about money. at all. I can buy things I like and not have to worry about every little penny like I did through the whole of my 20s.
5. Finally, with reference to work: I told Kevin this - if I were staying at home I would have no doubts about having a second baby but after all that we have been through with day care, I cannot even conceptualize another baby without feeling the dull ache of leaving my baby any where, without thinking about how badly I felt leaving my baby with people I did not entirely trust during the first two years or so of his life. Child care & work actually make up the longest part of my proverbial fence.
I know adding to our family would be good, I know that my body will bounce back after two+ years (okay so seriously I have this sense that instead of 2+ years it might take double that time but whose counting...) and finally I know our marriage will be fine since we know what this baby thing is all about now - there is a light at the end of the tunnel and having Matthew in the picture will make everything different (good different.) It is mostly the leaving of my beloved job (money...) and if I do stay at work, finding the right person to look after this fictional baby.
SO I am left sitting on the fence once again. Kevin knows this and he told me he wants to do whatever makes me happy. Matthew wants a "baby sister" or so he told his father on Sunday night before bed... In some ways, my heart is split in two over this matter. It is curious to me... I feel split but not emotional. Just split.
Essentially, my "final" thoughts (hahahaha... er ehmm...) here on this matter is that if we have another it will be have to be another "semi surprise". I am not a planner when it comes to these kinds of matters. Much like the rest of my life, I like to take the road less traveled (or planned as the case may be) and if we do not get pregnant, I do not feel I will yearn for that missed opportunity. I will be okay with which ever path we take. I am loving life right now. And honestly, I can say that if we do not have a second child I would feel at a loss for things to do. In my case, I know that life will be good no matter what we decide... no matter what happens... I feel truly blessed to have Matthew in my world and I cannot imagine life without him or before him. That is a good thing.
And since we were talking about Seinfeld (What? I was talking about Seinfeld this whole time... weren't you?) "Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason..." (which is a quote coincidentally from an episode called "The Baby Shower" Yada, yada, yada...
There are several reasons for being on the fence which I will torture you with once again...
1. I am happy right now. We are happy right now. Another wee tot would change everything. For some people this kind of a change is a good thing; for me - that kind of change just scares me.
2. I actually feel like my body is starting to look like it used to - perhaps this is just mind over matter. Compliments help too. But seriously it has taken me close to 2-1/2 years to bounce back, to have the will to start eating right and even OMG exercise and I am loving that right now. Holy shit can I just mention that clothes fit the right away again and I think I might need to go down a size again!? Yeah, obviously not since I am all freaky excited about it, here...
3. You know how some people say having a baby brought them closer together in their marriage? Yeah, who are these people and what bizarro world do they live in?! Like that Seinfeld episode, where there is a second set of Elaine, Jerry ET AL but they are nicer, slightly different versions of the real Elaine, Jerry, George & Kramer. I think that about my marriage. In a perfect world having a child would have brought Kevin and I closer together. In some ways it did - two years later... And even now we struggle with how to mesh our very different parenting styles. The 1st months of Matthew's life were a struggle for us. Kevin just checked out the night Matthew was born and it took a full blown fight for him to check back in. It had nothing to do with loving Matthew - Kevin's checking out... it was just the shock of being a parent - that surreal moment(s) when you think "OHMYGAWD, they are letting me leave the hospital... with this tiny baby. Don't they know the truth? That I am not a card carrying parent!? That I am just me... ME who never thought I would be a mother/father?!??!" I worry in some ways about our marriage if a second child were to come along.
4. Work. I am not/cannot/will not quit working. I have no idea what I would do if I quit work and how we would function financially since I am finally enjoying the fruits of my labor at work (ha no pun intended!) To leave next year would make all this work seem pointless. I like reaping the fruit too. I have to admit. I like making good money and not worrying about money. at all. I can buy things I like and not have to worry about every little penny like I did through the whole of my 20s.
5. Finally, with reference to work: I told Kevin this - if I were staying at home I would have no doubts about having a second baby but after all that we have been through with day care, I cannot even conceptualize another baby without feeling the dull ache of leaving my baby any where, without thinking about how badly I felt leaving my baby with people I did not entirely trust during the first two years or so of his life. Child care & work actually make up the longest part of my proverbial fence.
I know adding to our family would be good, I know that my body will bounce back after two+ years (okay so seriously I have this sense that instead of 2+ years it might take double that time but whose counting...) and finally I know our marriage will be fine since we know what this baby thing is all about now - there is a light at the end of the tunnel and having Matthew in the picture will make everything different (good different.) It is mostly the leaving of my beloved job (money...) and if I do stay at work, finding the right person to look after this fictional baby.
SO I am left sitting on the fence once again. Kevin knows this and he told me he wants to do whatever makes me happy. Matthew wants a "baby sister" or so he told his father on Sunday night before bed... In some ways, my heart is split in two over this matter. It is curious to me... I feel split but not emotional. Just split.
Essentially, my "final" thoughts (hahahaha... er ehmm...) here on this matter is that if we have another it will be have to be another "semi surprise". I am not a planner when it comes to these kinds of matters. Much like the rest of my life, I like to take the road less traveled (or planned as the case may be) and if we do not get pregnant, I do not feel I will yearn for that missed opportunity. I will be okay with which ever path we take. I am loving life right now. And honestly, I can say that if we do not have a second child I would feel at a loss for things to do. In my case, I know that life will be good no matter what we decide... no matter what happens... I feel truly blessed to have Matthew in my world and I cannot imagine life without him or before him. That is a good thing.
And since we were talking about Seinfeld (What? I was talking about Seinfeld this whole time... weren't you?) "Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason..." (which is a quote coincidentally from an episode called "The Baby Shower" Yada, yada, yada...
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
What is a person to do?
OR why I watch too much shitty TV? Or why am bothering to pay Weight Watchers a crap load of money to get fatter?
I could not decide what to watch last night: Big Brother or Biggest Loser. I was left going back and forth between the two - I had serious remote finger!
I now know that Lezlye (weirdest most horrible spelling of that name I have ever seen - lye, isn't that a nasty smelling soap? And well my 12 year old mind set in on Lez but whatever...) was voted out from the Red Team. Also, the black team is a new twist and WTH is up with Ali Sweeney as the hostess? I mean did she loss her gig on Days? Or did she just have too much time on her hands? Hmm probably not according to this... Kevin said she looks like the old hostess only younger and thinner...
And Dick won Big Brother. I just want to know if Daniele and Nick hooked up after? Is that bad? Or what is worse - that I know who Daniele and Nick are and what their relationship is like to even consider whether they might hook up...
Yeah so then I watched LA Ink. The last time I read a book it was Harry Potter (can you hear the brain cells exploding?!) I cannot seem to finish any of the ten books I have started that would actually provide me with some intellectual stimulation. Hell, I cannot even make my way through the latest copy of Parenting magazine. Halloween will have come and gone by that time.
Oddly enough it does not hurt - it, you ask? The IT I am referring to is my brain. Why is that when we lose brain cells, that does not hurt? But when I try to exercise... okay let's be honest here - when I walk too much, does it hurt so badly??? Also, why when I am trying to lose weight do all food items that are decidedly unhealthy seem really tasty? And I cannot stop myself from eating them thus gaining more weight than before I started trying to lose weight. See also NOT exercising at all...
I have to say that there will be no transition to this next topic - how many people do I know who are having BOY babies? That would be SIX people. All have had the ultra sound that says so. I am really excited by this since when we had Matthew we felt like the only people on earth with a baby boy. I know, I know it is not true because now there are WAY more boys than girls that we know but still. This may not bode well for me and my desire to have baby girl that I can shower in pink frou frou-ness that I SO long and desire for! Eh, well.
SO here is a big shout out (is that even cool to do anymore????!) and big HIP HIP HOORAY for my friend, Jen from Detroit - she just found out she is going to be a mommy to a baby boy. Rude Cactus and So the Fish Said just found out they are having a little boy and their daughter, Mia, has named her future brother Banana Froggie (okay that is just cute!) Due any day (as in her due date is TODAY) is my friend, Christine, and she is having a little boy who I believe will be named Logan Robert. Also, due shortly with BOYS are A Piece of Cake and the Myers. I cannot wait to find out what Sundry is having - she has a little boy already so we shall see whether Kelly's theory is true - everyone is having an opposite of their first! This is a test of that theory!
Babies babies every where - what is a person to do??? (evil laughter - made you think didn't I?!)
OH BTW, A summary of our trip ended up being posted after the In Short... I started writing before the In Short one but did not have time to finish so I saved it in edit... WHY am I explaining this to you?! Ah, just read it if you like!
I could not decide what to watch last night: Big Brother or Biggest Loser. I was left going back and forth between the two - I had serious remote finger!
I now know that Lezlye (weirdest most horrible spelling of that name I have ever seen - lye, isn't that a nasty smelling soap? And well my 12 year old mind set in on Lez but whatever...) was voted out from the Red Team. Also, the black team is a new twist and WTH is up with Ali Sweeney as the hostess? I mean did she loss her gig on Days? Or did she just have too much time on her hands? Hmm probably not according to this... Kevin said she looks like the old hostess only younger and thinner...
And Dick won Big Brother. I just want to know if Daniele and Nick hooked up after? Is that bad? Or what is worse - that I know who Daniele and Nick are and what their relationship is like to even consider whether they might hook up...
Yeah so then I watched LA Ink. The last time I read a book it was Harry Potter (can you hear the brain cells exploding?!) I cannot seem to finish any of the ten books I have started that would actually provide me with some intellectual stimulation. Hell, I cannot even make my way through the latest copy of Parenting magazine. Halloween will have come and gone by that time.
Oddly enough it does not hurt - it, you ask? The IT I am referring to is my brain. Why is that when we lose brain cells, that does not hurt? But when I try to exercise... okay let's be honest here - when I walk too much, does it hurt so badly??? Also, why when I am trying to lose weight do all food items that are decidedly unhealthy seem really tasty? And I cannot stop myself from eating them thus gaining more weight than before I started trying to lose weight. See also NOT exercising at all...
I have to say that there will be no transition to this next topic - how many people do I know who are having BOY babies? That would be SIX people. All have had the ultra sound that says so. I am really excited by this since when we had Matthew we felt like the only people on earth with a baby boy. I know, I know it is not true because now there are WAY more boys than girls that we know but still. This may not bode well for me and my desire to have baby girl that I can shower in pink frou frou-ness that I SO long and desire for! Eh, well.
SO here is a big shout out (is that even cool to do anymore????!) and big HIP HIP HOORAY for my friend, Jen from Detroit - she just found out she is going to be a mommy to a baby boy. Rude Cactus and So the Fish Said just found out they are having a little boy and their daughter, Mia, has named her future brother Banana Froggie (okay that is just cute!) Due any day (as in her due date is TODAY) is my friend, Christine, and she is having a little boy who I believe will be named Logan Robert. Also, due shortly with BOYS are A Piece of Cake and the Myers. I cannot wait to find out what Sundry is having - she has a little boy already so we shall see whether Kelly's theory is true - everyone is having an opposite of their first! This is a test of that theory!
Babies babies every where - what is a person to do??? (evil laughter - made you think didn't I?!)
OH BTW, A summary of our trip ended up being posted after the In Short... I started writing before the In Short one but did not have time to finish so I saved it in edit... WHY am I explaining this to you?! Ah, just read it if you like!
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