Does size really matter?

I have mentioned in the past my 'er' um "struggle" with losing the dreaded last 10 lbs of what I still refer to as "baby weight" 2.5 years AFTER giving birth to my son... yeah whatever, it cannot be the gross amounts of sweets I consume on a weekly basis or the large amount of pizza we inhale at least once a week every week since Matthew was born. WHATEVA!

I have come this sort of Zen place about it all. I tried Weight Watchers for a time. It is valuable that Weight Watchers thing but it was just not 'my thing'. I used to be meticulous and able to track things like what I eat - and likely if I need WWs in the past I would have loved the point system, the watching of the calories, the whole fiber thang it has going on. I also actually really loved the meetings - I would do WWs just to be with such a lovely group of women and men. But it was not for me. I never had the time or energy to really get the points written down and because I was on the low end of the scale I was literally starved all the time so I would end up stuffing my face full of food in one sitting thus totally defeating the point system.

I did re-learn the process for thinking about what I ought to be eating. I slowed down on my consumption of baked goods and little itsy bitsy cutely wrapped candies (candy corn SO does not count here and of course LAST NIGHT DOES NOT COUNT, thank you very much;) I gave up the huge BBC bagel with cream cheese that awaits me at work every Wednesday. I started to work out without much consistency but I still started to do that again. I also realized that the number on the scale was what it was. I likely will not be 115 lbs again and if I am well holy shit pat on the back to me.

And in most ways I do not care as much as I once did. I am enjoying life and all the lovely food options it has to offer (or more importantly that I can make because OMG it is so flipping fun to learn more about how to cook/bake - even if Kevin hated the mac n cheese - this will not deter me!!! Though I am still sort of on a ban from cooking since we have either eaten out or Kevin has made a crock pot that we nosh on for two days at a time - gotta love the crock pot!!!) I do not want to spend my waking hours overwrought with worry over the food I place in mouth or how long I will need to workout to lose the weight.

And I am learning to adjust. For the longest time I thought I need to go workout. I thought anything less than a 2 hour workout was stupid - I was a distance swimmer and really just a swimmer - for me a workout was always 2+ hours no matter what... I thought that eating healthy was just a natural thing for me. None of this is true - it just what I thought I believed in order to get myself to do things in the past.

Today, I am learning to enjoy an occasional lunch time workout that just makes me feel better, not because I have expectations to lose the weight. Or a quick workout on the recumbent bike in the basement for 20 minutes in the evening. But mostly if I do not workout, I run like the wind with Matthew. He is my ultimate workout. He keeps me going and would never stop unless we told him to. And I know that it is okay to eat what I want some times without starving. Matthew does not want a cranky skinny overly toned mother - he wants me to be happy and friendly and loving - if that means that as a happy friendly loving mommy I am slightly squishy that is okay by me!

At the end of the day, I may lose the 10 lbs or I may not (this is the Zen part in case you missed it.) When I went pants shopping a couple of weekends ago (I have been holding off on writing this post because I wanted to be sure it was true!), I was excited to learn I was down another size which if you are keeping count (and OMG I hope you are not) that is two sizes down from last fall. I could care a less what the scale says because it was more fun to try on this size only to find it fit! What a moment! And for me, I was living in this other size. I was size X and maybe size Y but it turns out I was actually size Z and that just rocks!

On a side note (and most unrelated aside perhaps from the Zen thing mentioned above), I did not get to see the Dalai lama when he came to town last week (so bummed...) but I learned about this new movie that was made called 10 Questions with the Dalai lama which we just received from Netflix and I am very excited to watch it this weekend. I am in the midst of watching Blades of Glory - BOO HISS to this movie. I thought it might be as good as Talladega Nights but not so much... Never thought I would mention the Dalai lama and Will Farrell in the same paragraph ever... I digress.

What is a person to do?

OR why I watch too much shitty TV? Or why am bothering to pay Weight Watchers a crap load of money to get fatter?

I could not decide what to watch last night: Big Brother or Biggest Loser. I was left going back and forth between the two - I had serious remote finger!

I now know that Lezlye (weirdest most horrible spelling of that name I have ever seen - lye, isn't that a nasty smelling soap? And well my 12 year old mind set in on Lez but whatever...) was voted out from the Red Team. Also, the black team is a new twist and WTH is up with Ali Sweeney as the hostess? I mean did she loss her gig on Days? Or did she just have too much time on her hands? Hmm probably not according to this... Kevin said she looks like the old hostess only younger and thinner...

And Dick won Big Brother. I just want to know if Daniele and Nick hooked up after? Is that bad? Or what is worse - that I know who Daniele and Nick are and what their relationship is like to even consider whether they might hook up...

Yeah so then I watched LA Ink. The last time I read a book it was Harry Potter (can you hear the brain cells exploding?!) I cannot seem to finish any of the ten books I have started that would actually provide me with some intellectual stimulation. Hell, I cannot even make my way through the latest copy of Parenting magazine. Halloween will have come and gone by that time.

Oddly enough it does not hurt - it, you ask? The IT I am referring to is my brain. Why is that when we lose brain cells, that does not hurt? But when I try to exercise... okay let's be honest here - when I walk too much, does it hurt so badly??? Also, why when I am trying to lose weight do all food items that are decidedly unhealthy seem really tasty? And I cannot stop myself from eating them thus gaining more weight than before I started trying to lose weight. See also NOT exercising at all...

I have to say that there will be no transition to this next topic - how many people do I know who are having BOY babies? That would be SIX people. All have had the ultra sound that says so. I am really excited by this since when we had Matthew we felt like the only people on earth with a baby boy. I know, I know it is not true because now there are WAY more boys than girls that we know but still. This may not bode well for me and my desire to have baby girl that I can shower in pink frou frou-ness that I SO long and desire for! Eh, well.

SO here is a big shout out (is that even cool to do anymore????!) and big HIP HIP HOORAY for my friend, Jen from Detroit - she just found out she is going to be a mommy to a baby boy. Rude Cactus and So the Fish Said just found out they are having a little boy and their daughter, Mia, has named her future brother Banana Froggie (okay that is just cute!) Due any day (as in her due date is TODAY) is my friend, Christine, and she is having a little boy who I believe will be named Logan Robert. Also, due shortly with BOYS are A Piece of Cake and the Myers. I cannot wait to find out what Sundry is having - she has a little boy already so we shall see whether Kelly's theory is true - everyone is having an opposite of their first! This is a test of that theory!

Babies babies every where - what is a person to do??? (evil laughter - made you think didn't I?!)

OH BTW, A summary of our trip ended up being posted after the In Short... I started writing before the In Short one but did not have time to finish so I saved it in edit... WHY am I explaining this to you?! Ah, just read it if you like!