"I am still standing"

Actually I am sitting at the moment but in the form of an update there is still no baby yet. I was hopeful last evening as I was feeling out of sorts and decided to add the last minutes things I thought I might need for the hospital to my bags & took a long shower. I could hardly stand, sit, or walk but not because of the usual back pain/feet aching/contractions but a new - er ah - issue that "developed" (has been developing since giving birth last time?) some time during the day yesterday that likely made me feel so uncomfortable. I will not go into detail here but the issue is fairly awful, very uncomfortable and the worst I have ever had when it comes to this particular issue. The things they never tell you about pregnancy, sheesh (or they do tell you but you choose to ignore because holy cow that will never happen to me... bahahhahahaa)

Now I am at work for half the day and I am staring at the flower my co-worker half jokingly brought over to me the other day - you know the old flower opening metaphor?? Yeah so there is that.

M is freaking out. We have not told him all the details, some, but not all. I think he can just sense it. He had a 2nd major tantrum (for lack of a better word) in less then three days this morning when we dropped him off at K's house. I feel horrible for him and I wish I could help him through his feelings but he is a little bit like me and needs to work through it on his own even if that means bouncing his head off the wall a million times before it all clicks.

K and I were talking after the drop off this morning and we are hoping against hope that once he sees that Pancake just lies there and does not move that this will quell some of his nerves. We never imagined that M would struggle this much with the new baby mostly because he has been okay with it with little hiccups here and there about the topic. We both agreed we just need to be as patient and calm as we can be, keep talking to him and give him what he needs which oddly enough is mostly to be left alone.

I did not think this would happen so soon but M likes to be left alone. He will go into his room and shut the door or sit quietly on the couch with his blanket and thumb staring out into space when something is bothering him. I guess I figured you know around 12 or 13 this would happen but not at age three. SO I am adjusting my thoughts about this behavior. It is hard because I want to go and comfort him and make sure he is okay but I need to remember he is a little human being who just needs his space and that every kid is different. That is just how my son deals with things. But man is it hard!

I am sure I will keep everyone up to date as to how things progress. For now I need to work and try to "wrap" things up (which is laughable in my job but whatever!) Hopefully yours, ME :)

Sickly

When we came home Thursday evening we noticed there was something going on with M. He was in a word CANTANKEROUS. He pitched 20 fits in what seemed like 20 minutes. He would not eat and was generally miserable. After putting him to sleep that evening and having him wake up 20 minutes later SCREAMING I figured he was sick. And he is. Sick that is. Nothing horrible just your run of the mill head cold. Runny nose, whiny boy, hacking cough (ever since he had croup that is always how he coughs now with that croupy cough, it sucks...) He seemed to be feeling much better on Saturday and Sunday so we had hope. But last night I was up with him three times because of the hacking cough for an hour at a time.

Only hours before this night time waking on his part did I realize 'huh my throat - swallow swallow - it is a hurtin' BADLY.' UGH. Yes, I thought K and I got through this little summer cold unscathed but I was wrong - damn me for even thinking this BTW. SO I have gone from hoping and praying that this baby comes early to PLEASE JUST WAIT TILL I AM FEELING BETTER. Stay put Pancake stay put. Mostly my throat is sore and my nose is stuffed but if you will recall I was bitching yesterday about my other end of pregnancy woes so YEEE HA bring on the cold too, right?! Why not? I mean it is not like I was feeling great to begin with!

I panicked of course because I was sick when I was overdue with M and it was really horrible. Seriously the panic feeling stemmed from this thought - 'OMG this pregnancy is starting to look exactly like the end of my pregnancy with M - will labor and delivery be the same?!?!' Which to clarify I had this healthy beautiful baby boy but getting there MY GAWD I just want it to be slightly ah well you know easier or different. I am trying with all my heart to remain calm but these stoopid freaking hormones just keep bubbling up and messing with my head.

SO I am sick. Poor me. M is home today and hopefully he will get well quickly. As for me, I am just going to need to suck it up. Rest, eat, drink some herbal tea & water, use some Olbas in my nose and hope for the best, right?

Hey guess what else? Nothing but sunny skies and temps in the low 90s ALL WEEK LONG.

On that happy note, bye before you reach through the computer and wring my pathetic little whiny neck!!!

A Whale of a Photo

M the Cowboy (or a little boy who has hardly EVER liked that rocking horse until either another child looks at it OR when we put it in Baby Pancake's room... Jealously is great, ain't it?!)


M came in from a walk and wanted an apple. He looked so grown up when he leaned on the counter top and cupped his chin into his hand to chew mindlessly on the apple. It was so cute I could not resist!


The sun was shining into the house the other morning and projected M's toys from the glass table onto the wall.


AND then there is me... Why yes yes I not only sit like a dude I now stand like a dude. The words HOUSE, WHALE and ELEPHANT all came to mind when I saw these photos.


WELCOME TO 35 weeks BABY!

* That is the cute $3 skirt I bought the other day!
** Note to self: Must visit a hair dresser QUICKLY. GAH, what kind of hair "style" is that anyway?

Bump bump SWOOOSH

I took half the day off to hang out with M this morning. It was spectacular despite the fact that my sleep pattern sucked last night. To say it was disturbed would be an understatement. Also, it has been in maybe the mid 50s at night, with the windows open, the fan and air conditioning running and I am still freaking hotter then hell. I practically freeze K AND the dogs right out of the room! Oh and I had my 2nd (only) (thank GAWD) leg crap were I shrieked loudly in pain gripping at the pain and trying to roll over yet I am stuck ON MY BACK LIKE A BLOODY HARPOONED WHALE... Er hmm. My husband slept through it. Thanks honey. Oh well at least the 3 year old woke up and came in to see what was going on...

Any who, M and I had a wonderful time. We played together this morning after Daddy left for work. We played in the basement for the first time since the weather got nice. Since it has been awhile it was like those toys were all new. AND being as hot as it has been going outside all the time is just not a spectacular option for me.

We visited the Ob/Gyn to hear Baby Pancake's heart beat after play time. M was thrilled to go along with me. He was such a good boy. Though I am hoping for no permanent scarring from the pee in a cup thing that he had a chance to experience... Nuff said on that topic, eh? We had snacks & read books while we waited for the doctor. And his face just lit up when he heard the heart beat which made my heart skip a beat.

Then we went off to get some Starbucks (chocolate milk and blueberry muffins)and see the construction site along the way. We made it to a little park we have never been to across from the hospital. It was such a beautiful well kept shady little park I wondered why we have never been there before?! M loved it and there were plenty of options in terms of play equipment and kids to play with. I watched mostly and had all of the stay at home mommies who likely wondered who I was (they all seemed to know one another...) ask me when I was due.

Is this odd? I am 34 weeks pregnant and I keep forgetting I am as big as a house! I look blankly at people and I stumble all over my words (slobber?) saying "ahhh the baby is ahhh due in ahhh oh yeah YEAH the end of July!" Real firecracker I am! Whatever - M had a ball playing on the park equipment.

I finally talked him into leaving (mostly because it was time to go...) and we stopped by to visit "our office" (not Daddy, but our office...) This was 1st time M came into our work and was less shy then normal. He still covered his eyes and clung to me at first but I could put him down and he was okay with that. He gave Jim knuckle bumps and jumped into his Daddy's arms. He told his Daddy he heard Pancake's heart and it went bump bump swoosh (melting my heart again!) He got to feed the turtles, squeeze K's stress duck, play with my slinky and visit the fish (no I do not work in a pet store or a novelty store but it is a pretty homey office!)

Finally off we went to Kel's house for lunch and a much needed nap. He almost fell asleep on the way there! I was pooped but boy was it worth taking the morning to spend some special time with M especially before we turn his world on its side.

We are doing a refresher birth class tonight that I hope I can stay awake through. Mostly I wanted to do the class because I keep panicking over how little I remember from over three years ago. I thought it was just me until K told me he is "sort of scared shitless" for this birth (GO CONFIDENT COUPLE!!!) Our Douala, Molly, is teaching the course so we are taking advantage of getting together with her during this time as well.

Ack, I have no idea how to end this other then saying I am so tired that I have barely accomplished anything at work since arriving and wished I had cuddled up on M's cot at Kel's house for a nice long nap as well!!

Up All Night

Not really but it sure felt like it. First, the Mole started last night but it came on at 10:00pm EDT... Woe is me. I was also working while it was on so I did not get to sleep until around 11:30pm. Sleep being a relative term of course. I laid there. I was uncomfortable, I tossed, I turned, IT WAS HOT despite the air conditioning & no covers. I could not turn the old brain off but I was not really thinking about anything per say, the brain was just a humming along. Lo, around 12:40pm I must have dozed off because I was dreaming that some child was crying in my dream and saying "I wannnt wannnt my my my Dadddddddddeee" before I sprang (hahahaha) from my bed to see what was the matter. That was no dream, it was M. Sobbing, sitting up, asking for his Daddy. I gave him the song and dance about everything being a-okay. I had to pee. I said I would be back which only sat well with him for a nano-second. I used the bathroom listening to him whimper and went back.

I laid down with him and hugged him. I told him everything was okay. I am not sure he believed me. Also, I do not think he was fully awake but he had that look on his face of being scared out of his wits. It has been a long time since I have been up with M in the middle of the night and having not really slept that made the whole experience more surreal (AKA sucky...) He fell back to sleep and I must have dozed off with my head leaning into my hand??? I already have issues with random body parts falling asleep you know when I am like standing or sitting fully awake so that was not fun to wake up to 20 minutes later. I got up and fell into bed only to hear M wailing again 5 minutes later. I woke K up this time and made him go in, M was calling for Daddy after all. Things were all quiet until I heard M literally chirping like the birds outside our window at 5:00 AM. UGH.

M has also taken to throwing himself dramatically at me when I leave for work from Kel's house, sobbing and asking for 'one more kiss & hug, mommmeee', 'where is my Daddy?', 'don't go Mommy'... Very dramatic like. Can we say regress much? This too shall pass, this too shall pass...

As an aside, I had my first dream (that I could remember) two nights ago that Baby Princess Pancake was born and she was crawling and sitting up in my arms gazing into my eyes and it made me melt. She was beautiful! Clearly she was not a newborn in my dream and I did not recall the specifics of the birth which I suppose it a good thing. With just that one dream, I can over look all of the woes of pregnancy just to see those beautiful sweet eyes looking up at me in the near future!

Photo Mish Mash

I promised some photos so here they are in all their randomness.


M on his big boy bike!


Just because...


Frontal view - 30-ish weeks (and this shows what dorky faces I can truly make!)


Goofy Side view - 30-ish weeks
(Holy HUGE pregnant lady batman ;)

Intestinal Fortitude

I am grateful every day for the lives we have. I listened last evening as I prepared dinner to the reports coming from rural China about the destruction from the earthquake there. I could hear my son and husband giggling and chattering outside. Last week I watched the news reports of the destruction from the cyclone that they are suggesting killed over 100,000 people in a country where the government has hardly accepted any aid from the outside world. There are people sitting on hill tops surrounded by water waiting for help that the government seems to be denying. I watched my son happily enjoy his grilled chicken, potatoes and corn on the cob, that impish smile crossing his face as he told stories and jokes. Many of the dead are children. I cannot imagine my life without my son, my husband, my home so I am grateful today, and every day, for all that we have.

***
I cannot seem to kick this stomach flu or intestinal thing. I feel rotten at the moment but I cannot take any more time off of work. I need to stay put and work. This intestinal issue is taking a lot out of me as one can imagine and it seems to ebb and flow so just when I think HA I am feeling better bam I am sitting back in the bathroom wishing I could curl up into a ball shape on the floor. I have not been sick this much in all three years since having M and being introduced to "childhood" illnesses. I just want to be well from here on out until the baby comes. I want to get back to my workout routine and enjoying my time fully with M & K. I want to go back to sleeping half way decently.

I have to say I am glad that the weather has remained cool and crisp. I even welcome the rain. I know that the swelling will come soon enough as things heat up so I am just enjoying this time between the swelling.

I am perplexed. I thought I planned pretty well clothing wise but I am finding that shirts & pants I thought would fit the entire pregnancy are "coming up short". I am planning to buy some yoga type pants from Old Navy this week because they sound so comfy and my work place is very casual so I can get away with them. I also can wear them post pregnancy when I want to be comfy. I was going to buy some more shirts online but decided to just go to Target and get whatever they have. AND I need new bras STAT. I was fine with those until this week but things to be running over to say the least.

***
Baby Pancake is kicking right now. That rocks! I am looking forward to welcoming her into our lives!

This morning, as I sat with M before turning on his show of choice on we chatted. Mostly it is me talking and M sucking his thumb listening but I enjoy this time. The blinds have all been opened letting in that early morning light with no lights or TV. It is still peaceful and he is mellow. Some times we snuggle and other times he will actually chat with me. Most of time we just sit quietly.

I know these moments will not go away entirely once Pancake arrives but the time I have will be divided differently for a bit between nursing and tending to a newborn. I am trying to enjoy each moment I get with M now. I do not think those moments will go away but they will be different in a few months. I cherish the sound of his feet tromping about as I get ready for work and his giggle as he runs to give me a flower. I know things will change in the coming months in a good way but for now I am enjoying how our lives are today.

Doctors, nurses and scales - OHMY!

Quick late in the day post. SO we finally made it to the Pediatrician for M's 3 year appt. Of course, we were late... which is totally my fault. Whatever.

M did not want to get on that scale. AT ALL. He said no and almost threw a fit right in the hallway of the abnormally quiet physician's office! The nurse and I tried everything to no avail. SO back to the room we went to talk about M. Type of milk, sleeping habits (bah), etc. The nurse then tried to coax him back on the scale. First M has his blood pressure checked. I cannot be sure if this was a ploy to get Matthew to trust her or if this is what they start doing at 3 years of age (let me know all you three year old mommas to be!) We finally got him on the scale after I got on it and we joked about putting his feet on the funny red feet like a puzzle.

Stats to date:
36 lbs (75-95th percentile)
39 inches (75-95th percentile)

The nurse checked his numbers on the big boy chart (SOB) but she also showed me that the percentile would be no different if they put it on the baby chart. Basically nothing has changed with M. He has always been in this same percentile since birth.

He got all checked out and even did a somersault for Dr. F when she checked his back. He giggled a lot when she checked his body out and he even told her knock knock jokes! We had to complete the little plastic wipe-y card thing which we completed entirely! That was kind of cool though I did not get his "score" on this I suspect that just means he is smart as any three year old should be. I think his favorite part was jumping over the chart both ways. He thought that was pretty nifty! SO that was that.

He got his sticker and even said THANK YOU without being prompted! He also entertained the staff by telling them loudly that we were now going to Starbucks for a hot chocolate. The new mommy with the tiny baby sitting on the bench behind us said "Oh you have him trained well!" I agree (see The 'OG' post from yesterday!)

Now I am stuffing my face full of food. I had my glucose test this morning after the 3 yr appt. The test itself is not bothersome it is the NOT eating thing that almost drove me over the edge. I could feel my patience running low, I had to bite my lip twice once at Liz for being SO slow in getting into the room to see me for all of 39 seconds and for the scheduling lady who was chattering on the phone. I had to eat M's leftover Goldfish for fear I would swoon (ohhh the DRAMA) right there reading Redbook! They finally let me escape at 12:10p. I have been eating like a hog in heaven the past couple of weeks and the scale was SO kind to me this morning. It basically stayed the same from the last visit! That was pretty nifty! The bebe's heart rate was 130 which is also the same SO that was about it. Oh, the tech who took my blood told me I have beautiful veins. Well at least something on me looks beautiful!!!

Phwwww, do you feel better for knowing all of this?!?! OH AND they finally confirmed that indeed I am off to the races with visits every two weeks.

Now if only someone could explain why I keep having mini panic attacks, that would be lovely... Oy. I define a panic attack as I cannot breath and I feel like someone has put one of those stupid O2 masks over my mouth (oh how I hate thee claustrophobia mask from hell!) UGH. I am trying trying trying to breath and I do not feel like I am "in a panic" but apparently some part of my wee brain is feeling panic and letting me know this. Well back to the noshing I go...

Beautiful Moment

My favorite moment of many over the past three days occurred yesterday morning at the Outlet Mall.

I was in the dressing room of Motherhood Maternity trying to find a dress. I discovered I hate dresses even more pregnant then I do when I am not pregnant. Dresses are and have always been the bane to my existence. In a word, I do not like them. Cute on every other woman on the planet but me? Run screaming from the back fat, arm fat, and OMG she is too short to be wearing THAT dress thing. Any who, I need a dress for a wedding reception we are going to next month. And I had limited time in the Motherhood Maternity outlet. I heard K come in talking to M about finding Mommy. I opened the changing room door and was wearing the dress I ended up buying. M spotted me and brightly said "Mommy you look soooo beautiful!" (followed by ahhs from the ladies in the store ;)

Made my heart melt just a little bit more after a weekend of melting moments!

Random smiles

Things that make me smile randomly during the day when I think about them:

How Matthew likes to climb on my lap to sit and talk. It is like time stands still for me and I just enjoy those moments deeply.

The glee in M's eyes on Sunday afternoon when he could shed his socks and put his feet in the sandbox AND the grass. What pure pleasure!

When M says "I love you" at night right before he goes to sleep. He also imitates me and says "Night night, momma" when I leave the room.

I love in the morning when he wakes up I can hear him thumping around so I know he is up. This morning he came with the usual blanket but also Bluesy his stuffed doggie and his pillow. He laid in bed with us until it was time to get up which was nice.

How much he likes his 10 minutes of Angelina Ballerina & toast with jam first thing each morning.

His excitement over an fake egg with a pretend duck hatching in the water on our counter top. He wants to see and touch the egg first thing each morning and last thing each night. This morning he laughed with such joy to see almost all of its beak and one black little eye peaking out of the shell.

How hard M hugs and how if I lay my head down he will kiss my neck or shoulder just because.

"We home now."

I enjoyed my weekend in degrees. I was distraught over the fact that I seem to be increasingly sick despite the fact that time I am taking more and more medicine in order to feel better. One positive: the ripping roaring pounding brain blistering headache I had the first three days seems to be gone (KNOCK ON WOOD). This too shall pass but please let this pass quickly because seriously I have been in tears all morning because this is week #4 or 5 of feeling like complete shit for various reasons. I am also trying with all of my being to not feel sorry for myself so I am moving on from this topic.

I had an acupuncture appt. that was short and nice (and seriously TMI but she is like the anecdote to constipation...)

I had a hair appt. Chopped my hair - I like it okay - I wish I had a hairdresser with more experience but whatever. The best part of the appointment was the massage thing she did when she shampooed my hair!

I had a pedicure and the company of uplifting women to brighten my afternoon!

I cleaned my house a bit. Dusted, vacuumed, cleaned some windows. Not near as much as I hoped to accomplish but again whatever.

I stared blankly at the TV, watching hours of HGTV just because I could.

I slept in relatively speaking till 8:00a both Saturday and Sunday.

I spent most of both weekend afternoons out in the yard, gardening, cleaning up the winter debris, & LOVING the new dog poop composter... will explain that one another day! Letting the sun soak into my winter white skin.

I stayed up the wee hours of the night watching bad TV for no good reason.

I did the laundry.

I exchanged baby clothing with Melissa - thank you! You rock MM!!! I wish I could have contributed more to your pile!

I went grocery shopping and bought some stuff I needed at Clinque.

The best & brightest spot was coming home from groceries to my beaming boys. M laughed, screamed & jumped up and down. He was shaking all over. He could not even make it up the stairs, I ran down to him. He hugged me so tight and that felt so good. He said "Mommy we home. We see Grandma and Grandpa. We home now." He smiled, held my face in his hands and kissed my cheek. "I am drawing. Wanna see?" I said 'yes' and let M lead me.

He looked different to me - more grown up, he seemed bigger, more well spoken, excited about all his "stuff". Wanting to share all his thoughts as quickly as possible so he did not forget anything that he wanted to tell me. I smiled with tears in my eyes.

I thought how so very glad they were home and I was not alone any more because man it was nice but oh so hard to miss two people you love so much. I hope everyone had a weekend as glorious and joyous as mine!

Baby Sherk

...or K practicing "doing hair" on Ma in preparation for a girl! Ah so much to look forward to!!

Shiny happy people

A spaghetti squash! That is supposedly how big Princess pancake is this week. Mmmm, I like spaghetti squash and that just makes me look forward to working on the garden over the coming weeks. As well as welcoming Spring in especially after contemplating the idea of building Noah's Ark the past two days! I have no idea how much rain we had. We did not get near as much as locales in MO but enough for me to contemplate an ark...

Oh and here is this lovely and exciting thing to look forward too (?) from Babycenter.com: "Being interested in the differences between girls and boys is a normal part of growing up. Try not to react with shock or horror if you find your child in the midst of an anatomy check with another child. Just let both children know that penises and vaginas are kept private and steer them toward another activity. They'll probably be relieved, since they may already have some sense that the game they were playing is taboo." I keep trying to think what might be more fun to deal with THIS or the birds/bees talk?!

Moving on... Yesterday ended up being a bad day and I kept thinking whose karma did I mess with anyway!? I mean seriously this indigestion, reflux hellishness... it is no fun. I went home yesterday for two hours to take a nap and napping was not even an option because lying in the semi prone position made me even more ill. I ended up sleeping propped up at a 90 degree angle. BUT I got a nap in which was much needed.

Besides the massive stomach pains, I STILL cannot sleep. And 3 hours a night makes me a little teeny bit out of sorts. Like you know SOBBING in front of my boss out of sorts. WEEE... I called my midwife and she told me no more Tums. Try Mylanta and if all else fails try Pepcid or Zantac. I am kind of head strong about medicine when pregnant to the point where that little head cold a few weeks back probably lasted longer and was worse then it should have been because I just did not want to take any medicine for it. I am trying the Mylanta and holding off on the Pepcid but I am still in a ton of pain right now so tonight before bed I am planning to try the Pepcid per the midwife's advice. K said I probably have an ulcer - hmm, way to make the paranoid pregnant wife feel better, hon!

She also offered up relief in the form of Unisom. Okay talk about a freak out thing to take when pregnant for me but I tried it last night because I am totally unbelievably desperate for a good night's rest. I need to sleep. For me, for M, for K. For my poor boss as if she does not have enough to deal with... HALP. I slept last evening. I was up once last night to use the bathroom and went right back to sleep. And lo, I woke up refreshed. I am going to use the Unisom only when totally desperate so tonight I will try again without it and see how it goes. I am hoping the Unisom helped to break the wake up and lie in bed awake till the wee hours of the morning cycle.

On a fun note, Miss Pancake likes to kick in the evening around 10p and I will generally invite Kevin to feel the kicks. Up until last night he could not feel much. Last night he could feel it all! K just had a look on his face of sheer delight! Love that! She is also a mover and shaker in the morning around this time. And finally just after lunch. SO she likes to eat and stay up late. At least she and her brother will have that in common from the get go ;)

Another silly thing, M wakes up from time to time in the night or early morning. He will shout for one of us (thankfully K popped up at 5:30a to tend to him this morning) and M will tell us tearfully that his arm or leg is "shiny". Now at 1st I was like shiny wha?? I mean his arm/leg looked perfectly normal to me - no shine at all! Finally we figured out that his body parts are asleep as in tingly from being slept on for hours. Because this kid can find some amazingly acrobatic positions to sleep in. Every evening we have taken to going in before going to bed ourselves and checking on him. I absolutely adore doing this. It is just sweet to see his little mouth puckered up and his arms and legs flung all over, blanket in hand. SO yeah shiny... we told him the word was tingly but he likes shiny so there you go.

Five Reasons...

I got out of bed this morning (and most mornings for that matter...)

1. ) To see M's smiling face over the rim of his crib (and get a sloppy wet kiss and one of those amazing hugs!)

2.) To take a long hot shower that relaxes me

3.) To let Santana and Lucy out (and I was happy about that because Santana actually let me sleep through the night last night unlike the night before...)

4.) To hear M giggle and laugh and yell "Sant-ana, Ucy, get in crates NOW" while clutching their treats high above his head - HE IS SUCH A BIG BOY NOW!!!

5.) To get to my job which I love and I realize every day I am grateful that I have it to go to.

Your turn!

My son is brilliant...

Yes, I said it. I said what we all think! We all want the best for our children and, of course, we all hope that they are born intelligent. It seems to me today that is the main focus of child rearing. How much smarter can I can I "make" this child? Every toy, every activity, every thing we do now a days seems to have some ulterior motive intending to make our children much more intelligent. I feel myself being sucked in at moments - pushing M to learn his letters and numbers, to potty train or get into that big boy bed, trying to ensure he has a full range of experiences from helping mommy bake to children's museums to the library and every event in between... then I am hit by reality.

He is a 2 year old - he will learn his letters & his numbers when he ready, no child ever gets to be over the age of five without becoming potty trained and moving out of a crib and all of the experience M needs is to be around K and I enjoying happy fun filled moments running around picking up dog poopy on a sunny afternoon in our backyard or walking the trail near our home talking about the water rushing past and the birds flying over head... I was reminded over the weekend that M is going to be a intelligent, happy, fun loving, kind person because of these moments. Not because he can recite his ABCs and 123s before other kids.

Sure, I want him to be smart (who doesn't want that for their child?) but I do not want to drive him to be smart. I do not want to rub off on him the drive I always felt to be better then other people - to win the race always or else feel like a failure. The kids who seem to be the most satisfied are those that get support and love and attention - not always those that win every race or have straight A's or have it all.

He is probably not headed for MENSA since he just seems to be getting into potty training and even that comes and goes (he poops in the potty now (!!) with much prompting and he pees as long as he is naked so he is naked often... expect streaking in our house...) He can recite part of his ABCs which is very cute but he does not usually get them all... in the right order... and we probably don't do "enough" art projects and learning activities when we are together - but dang if that boy is not the happiest kid around! And I need only see him smile and hear him laugh - that glimmer of excitement in his eye when he spies something new (or old for that matter!) But most of all I only need to hear him say "I love you mommy" with that sweet sloppy wet kiss and that huge bear hug that he has perfected to know that nothing else matters as long as I am the best most supportive mommy I can be. M is brilliant because he has helped me to see that today.